Man, I miss cable TV

It is a good thing that the war in Iraq is there. I mean in Iraq. Cuz, a war at home would mean: no electricity, no running water, but even worse, there would be no Cable TV. Americans would surrender then and there if you took away their cable. The women couldnt live without Oxygen, the men couldnt live without Spike, The intelluctual couldnt be intellected without History and Discovery. In apocalyptic times, the good ole' industrious American will be disarmed without their HBO, Cinemax, and Showtime. I know, friends, for I am living without cable... and it sucks...I mean cold and lonely nights suck but they suck like a hoover with no cable. Being dateless ( that means without dates) blows but being dateless with no cable blows chunks. Being broke is a bitch but being broke with no cable is a bitch on steroids. Get my point? I want, need to be entertained by a little 24-35 inch screen that is full of trash and trivial tripe. I WANT MY MTV... and I dont even like music videos.... I need a hit of Flavor Flav.... and Cops is calling my name.. ( I dont watch that crap, really, well not all of it.) I am dying to hear Heidi say... You're Out... So for all my fellow Americans, while the Iranians are building up their Nuclear Arms and The Taliban is hanging out in caves with Osama getting ready for the big meltdown and the rest of the crazy muslims are bent over and praying towards Mecca six times a day, we, are sitting in front of the idiot box praying to The television God... Oprah.
Note to self: Self, you know you can live without cable, yes you can, no i cant, yes you can, no I cant...yes you can...Oh, how we miss Johnny Carson.