Dear Hollywood,

Recently I have moved to a new place and since heat is a luxury in this economic crisis, there sure as heck aint no cable hooked up yet. So blockbuster is for rich people and netflix is for people smart enough to sign up.... I am neither so I have been forced to watch pirated movies. It's not so bad, other than the occasional cough or laughter from the person who has snuck a camera in the Theatre and sometimes they have been ripped from the computer, since I dont know how to netflix, I sure dont know how to download a movie from the internet..Naw, I just gotta a friend who has gotta friend who can get these movies... so color me there. But while your movie rental is free, selection sometimes can be less than desired. For instance this week must have been disaster week. I saw Doomsday and 2012. I have a love/relationship with disaster movies. On the one hand, I love to watch them for their special effects and their confusing stories, but I would like to take this time and direct the rest of this rant to the blue suits and writers of Hollywood, so fellas take note.
1) why is it the only time Hollywood wants to talk about God, it is only in an apocalytic movie where the world has come to an end... what does Hollywood do? Blame God.
2) Stick with climate destruction, ozones evaportating, Meteorites, Earth's Core is breaking down, whatevah.. please leave the virus movies alone, nobody wants to see that... Virus movies are just that... sickening...
3) Dear friends back me up with this: We Dont want a Love Story in a destruction movie... Yes, we need a hero and maybe even a heroine but do people really take time to make love with the world is going to blow up in 5.2 minutes, I mean what can you really do... the only kissing you will be doing is your ass goodbye.
4)Ok, you cannot have motorcycles, waverunners, (think Waterworld) and cars when the "survivors" have been surviving the "aftermath" of whatever destructive thing that happend for over 60 years.... I mean where do they find the gas?
5) and speaking of survivors, why do most of them always look like punk rockers from the 80's, I mean there is no food and water, yet, there is plenty of makeup and lots of dye to color their hair orange.
6) Why does Hollywood only let A black man be President in a movie when the world is coming to an end.... Morgan Freeman/Danny Glover would probably make a good President in lighthearted romantic romp but nooooo, only Michael Douglas and Kevin Kline can play presidents in those kind of movies.. We only want to cast a black president when they show the Statue of Liberty falling into the ocean.
7) And finally, we own know about and have seen the dreaded timeline, you know what I mean, there is 3 month, 3 weeks and 3 days and then we see the clock says: 2 minutes to countdown and the movie lasts another 2 hours. No, this is not acceptable. I cant get from the beach to Beaufort in 10 minutes, yet in the disaster movie, there is always some guy who can get across continents faster than I can get around town. So, set the countdown clock and then live by it, dang it.

Note to Self: Watch a comedy or read book....